Home Sweet Home

I finally have all of our stuff at our new apartment! It feels so nice to finally have everything in one spot and only be paying for the apartment and not the storage unit also and now I can finally focus on unpacking and decorating. Even though I don't want to spend a ton of money on decorating our apartment, I am going to try hard to make it our home and not just an ugly, plain apartment like our last one. Our Gateway Village apartment was so dark and ugly because of the brown carpet and wood panel walls and now that we have a bright, clean apartment, I want to add a lot of color and warmth and happiness. I love Adam because when I told him all the ideas I had for our apartment, he just said "Get what you need. I don't care." He's funny. That's such a boy thing to say. Brittany is a wonderful decorator and I am excited for her to help me because she has a million ideas. The only bad part is that she told me gently, to get rid of my bedspread, which I love and isn't very old.

 

She hates it because it's old ladyish (spell check tried to change this to ladyfish. Haha). I have a problem because I like some old lady decorations and I buy them and then I look at them later and think "What the heck is this? What was I thinking?" because I go a little over board. Anyway, Brittany is too late and I am not giving up my bedspread, so she is going to have to work around it!

 

It has been fun unpacking all of Adam's and my things and reminiscing about all the memories that go along with them. I was so excited last week because I found something that I haven't been able to find since before we began dating- our pinewood derby car. Before we were even dating, when I was still just thinking to myself how cute and funny he was and how I wanted to date him, we hung out with a few other people from the Institute (the church branch for the college age kids) and we made pinewood derby cars for our pinewood derby. Adam and I made one together in the likeness of his Mitsubishi Eclipse. The car is so funny because we needed to weigh down the back, so we carved a hole in it and put Iraqi coins in it and duct taped it shut. Adam still makes fun of me also, because he told me to lightly sand down the wheels so they would go faster, so I started sanding and kept sanding until he came back to check and apparently I did a bad job. The wheels were sanded way too much and had flat parts on them. When he saw that, he knew we weren't going to win. Haha.

 

Anyway, it was fun to find that little car and also a journal that Adam and I write in together. We started writing in it in 2006, describing how we met, things we have done together, and our feelings for one another. It was fun to look back in that journal and read how in love we were then. It reminds me of a song I like by Brad Paisley. I think it is called "Then." Yes, it's country. In the song, he reflects on memories and he says " And I thought I loved you then..but now you're my whole life, you're my whole world…we've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then…" It just reminds me of how I feel about Adam because I look back and think that I loved him so much when we were dating and then more when we were engaged and more when we were married and I love him more than I did when he left for Iraq and I didn't know I could love someone as much as I did back then and now that love has multiplied even more. It's just so crazy to think about. I don't think I could love him more than I do right now, but I know that when we are old and sitting around the table with our grandkids and kids, I will think "and I thought I loved you then…" Love is a crazy thing. Haha

 

Spring term started this week. I am taking a couple education classes, physics, and flag football. I am looking forward to flag football, but scared also because I am one of four girls in the class with 35 guys. I am definitely intimidated right now, but I think I can hold my own!

Oh, and I ran 11 miles yesterday!

Emotions

I have always liked planning things and I always have many ideas in my head of fun things that I want to do. When I am hanging out with friends, I like to go out and do things and have fun because I feel like I am just wasting potential fun time sitting around doing nothing, so I like to try and plan things.

The bad thing is when I have all these ideas and no one wants to do them. I am not usually the type of person who really begs or tries to convince people to go along with my plans, but I have noticed since Adam has been gone that I have been more upset when people don't want to do all the things I want to.

After being told that some people don't like to tell me they don't want to do what I want to do because I make people feel bad for not wanting to do stuff, I thought about this a lot. That was never my intention. I don't want to make people feel bad for such a silly reason or for any reason really. Hearing that made me really sad because the reason I try so hard to get people to go along with all these plans I have is because in my head I have this great picture of everyone having fun and really enjoying themselves and thinking it was so much fun. I have realized that in the past I liked to think of fun things to do and suggest them to my friends and if they didn't want to, then I would let it go, but since I have been a lot more lonely and alone without Adam, I guess I really need these things.

I have these fantastic plans where in my head everyone is having tons of fun and I am really happy and not lonely and then when no one wants to do them, I get sad and wish people would change their minds and I try hard to get them to change their minds. I didn't used to be like this and when Adam comes home, I know I won't be like that. Right now, I rely a lot on my friends to be there for me because I feel so alone even when I am around people. Even in a room full of people who I know love me, I feel like a big part of me is missing and my body and mind and heart ache for that missing piece.

I am sorry for putting so much stress and pressure on my friends and expecting an unreasonably high emotional tolerance from them.

I don't know how to not feel lonely without Adam here, and the best way I can think of is to distract myself by doing lots of things, so when no one wants to do things, I try to convince people to because in my head I think it will help me.

By saying I feel alone or lonely even when I am around friends or family, I am not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't really know how to explain it. I am able to get by with Adam gone, but I don't want to have to. It is so hard to want to just hug the one you love the most or simply touch their face and not be able to. I don't feel like anyone understands this and or has patience for me. I could be wrong, but that's how I feel. I know I over generalized by saying 'anyone' and I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings because of this blog.

Basically, I am doing the best I can and I am sorry if I wore you too thin, annoyed you, or anything else. That wasn't my intention.

P.S: I appreciate all my friends and family and all the support I have gotten!

Adam is going to be home soon!

Adam is going to be home next month! We don't have specific dates and ever if we did, we wouldn't believe them, but we do know that Adam should be in Eugene and done for good in the middle of April. He is currently packing up his stuff in Iraq and will be moving out of his trailers and into tents in order to make room for the new guys who are taking their places. Right now they are training the new guys and after a few more weeks of this, Adam will head to Kuwait and then on to Washington (state) for a week or so and then back here for good!

In order to speed up the demobilization process in Washington and Fort Lewis, family and friends aren't allowed to visit while they are there like in the past. Instead, they are going to get them in and out of there in about a week and then bus them back home.

I am so excited for him to be here! It is awesome to be know that in about a month we will be able to put this whole mess behind us. Lately I have been thinking about how a year ago we were just beginning to cope with the reality that Adam was going and we were just beginning to make all arrangements for while he was gone and now I am making all these plans for when he gets back! It feels great!

I got us a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment at Crescent Park Apartments behind Shopko in Eugene and have slowly been moving our stuff over there. I have had the keys for two weeks so it is a little frustrating that it is taking so long to move. It is definitely hard to plan moving days when people can help and find a truck to use. I have done a lot of moving by myself so far, but I have had a little help. I love un packing boxes and pulling out all our belongings, knowing that we have a home and Adam will be here very soon to be with me in our home.

A great memory that I have with Griffey was the first day that we got the keys to the apartment two weeks ago on Monday. I just opened the door and walked through it with Griffey with a great sense of calmness, relief, anticipation, and excitement. I showed Griffey all the rooms and told him this was our new home and then we both just laid on the ground of our empty front room together. It sounds so silly that this was a great memory, but with this experience are all the feelings and realizations that this crazy, hard, horrible year are over and Adam and Griffey and I are going to be a complete family again and this is where we are going to make that happen. I think of us laying there together in that big empty apartment and I think about how happy I was to know that Adam and I won't have to be apart much longer and we finally have a place to be a family together.

So right now I am working on moving and setting up the new apartment and I am also finishing up this term at school. I have one 8 page paper left that is due on Thursday and then I am free for Spring Break!

Another thing that I have been focusing a lot of energy on recently is running. My friend, Brittany, and I started running together a few months ago, I think in November, and we are helping each other train for the Eugene Half Marathon. I first got interested in running the Half Marathon through my friend, Laura, who sadly just moved away but will be back to run another half marathon in the fall. Anyway, she has been training for the half marathon and I decided to join her and now Brittany and my mom want to do it too. It is 13.1 miles and it is on my birthday, May 2.

Brittany and I have been slowly increasing our speed and distance thanks to a training schedule we found online and just this morning we completed our longest run yet- 9.5 miles! I am so proud of us! I never in my life thought that I could run that far and by actually doing it, I really feel empowered and like I can do a lot more that I previously thought I could. My goal and hope is to be able to run a full marathon this fall. I would like to do the Portland Marathon. Even though I like to tell myself that I can't do it while I am running, somehow I keep going and it is such an awesome feeling to achieve all these running goals I have been setting.

Brittany and I have been great running partners because we both started at the same place- hardly any running experience and the same kind of mindset about running. We also have a pretty similar pace ( I think she is a little quicker) and we motivate each other because when I don't want to run or I want to quick a run she encourages me and when she wants to quit a run, I encourage her. I am very proud of us! I already know I am going to be really sore tomorrow, but I don't care because it is really fun to tell people that I ran 9.5 miles!

So, to sum it all up: Adam will be home soon, I am in the middle of moving, and I ran really far today.

Pictures of Griffey

Here are a couple of pictures of Griffey that were taken recently. The first one is of Griffey at my mom's after a bath. He loves taking baths and kicking in the water and sucking on his washcloth. The second picture is of Griffey chewing on a teething ring. He loves chewing on those and he also loves chewing on teething biscuits. I like the third picture because he has a teething biscuit in his mouth and a spare teether on his arm.

He can't have those biscuits anymore because he has eczema so he can't have wheat. Apparently the wheat makes it worse, or something. He also has to have fragrance free shampoo and lotion. He gets pampered here!

He has been rolling over a bunch and babbling a lot. He also has a Jumperoo-one of those bouncing seats that hooks to a doorframe- that he loves sitting in. He doesn't bounce a lot yet, but he swivels around in circles and likes feeling free in it.